I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
