I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
