She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
