I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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