i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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