i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
