Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
