guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think my vagina is haunted
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
