well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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