Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
