i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
