she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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