The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
