i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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