i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
