I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
