i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
