He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
