so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize