u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
