did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
