And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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