I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
