Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
