I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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