Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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