all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
