saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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