You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
