I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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