my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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