you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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