Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
jump out the window naked night went bad
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
