I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
