Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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