her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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