Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
