I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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