I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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