we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
