Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In other news, I just burned my penis
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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