Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
