standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
