My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize