remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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