Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
