nut hugger
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
