walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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