just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
