Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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