I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
