i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
