I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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