Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
