You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
