dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
