We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize