im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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