2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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