I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
