I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize