i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
