Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
