i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
