okay pat passed out under dana's car
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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