i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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