My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
