She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
