he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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