My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
