why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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