Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
